Frustration!

Today is not about food, well not yet. Last night at my inlaws they started in on me again about looking after Grace when I go back to work. They would split it with my parents. They are not retired and neither are my parents.....They keep saying that they will make it work. I don't want them all looking after her because they all still love to travel and I don't want to get in the way of that. They say it won't bother them but I know it will! The minute I say that one or the other can't watch her so they can go away and Yvon and I have vacation booked at another time there will be a problem. I wish they would just listen to me and let it drop. I may just have to be more forceful next time....vent over

Well I had another really good day yesterday. I got 2 nice walks in and my weights. I have to just keep it up and keep it changing. I am going out to the valley today with Grace and my friend Ashli to get some fresh strawberries...mmmmm!I even said no to dessert last night, it was something I didn't want so I just said no =)

Sunny!

I love sun! It was dreary and rainy here yesterday and today it is beautiful! It makes me feel so alive, I just want to get out and do something! I am going to walk to my inlaws today with Grace. It's about a 50 minute walk and it'll be so nice to be outside. Yesterday I did the workout in Shape magazine and today I just did some free weights for my arms and back. It is amazing how some working out can make you feel better. I ate really well yesterday and have started off good again today. I measured and tracked everything I put in my mouth yesterday. I tried a new bread, it's call Body Wise by Dempsters. It's 100 calories for 2 slices and it's whole wheat. It makes a big difference in a sandwich when you are using something small. I also bought the light havarti cheese from costco and it's 2 points per slice and it tastes good! I do not eat whole wheat bread, I LOVE white bread so this is a big change for me. I have never done this in all my times trying to lose weight but now with Grace I want to teach her good habits from the start. I don't want her to have to go to WW....I will do my best. Well here is to a good day!

Monday Morning

I am not a big fan of Monday morning, it means Yvon has to go back to work....I love having him around on the weekends, it's so nice to get the family time together. So I seem to be doing alittle better these days...I am trying to make better choices. This morning I measured my cereal and milk and I have already planned my snack but I am not sure about lunch yet. Today I am going to try a new workout that I found in shape magazine. It is Kim Kardashian's workout and it looks pretty good. I picked up a medicine ball on friday and I am looking forward to trying this. I also signed up at shape.com and there are some really good ideas on there. I need things I can do kind of quickly and at home with little equipment. Grace isn't exactly ready to go to the gym and when Yvon gets home I don't really want to be going out, I like the time together. We have been pretty good about our walking. It kind of tailed off for the weekend. We went downtown on Saturday during the day and then Yvon and I went to our 10 year highschool reunion. It was great! We really enjoyed it. We weren't sure what to think but it was alot of fun. Then yesterday we watched alot of soccer and went to the mall quickly (what a mistake! it was crazy!) and then to my parents for my moms birthday dinner. Here's to a good week!

Halfway There

Well I am starting to get my act together. I have really amped up my exercise and it feels great. We have gone on 2 great walks the last 2 night and I have a good one planned for before dinner. We are going to my inlaws for dinner tonight and I am going to leave early with Grace and walk over. It takes just over an hour to get there and it is a great walk. Still not there with the food but I am getting more water and more fruits and veggies so it's coming. I just have to keep making these changes and it will all fall into place. I should start tracking but I keep putting it off until tomorrow. I have to make a plan and start measuring and tracking. It makes such a difference if you measure and track. I know my breakfast is not what it is when I am measuring properly....I can do this. I will start tomorrow. I am not going to worry about points or calories for this first week, just measure and track. Next week I will start the points and go from there. I have made dinner 3 night in a row! I had gotten really lazy with cooking at the end of my pregnancy because I was so tired and it carried through till now. my husband would cook but he was also pretty drained. I don't have to cook tonight but I do have dinner planned for tomorrow and then on Saturday is our 10 year grad reunion (not highschool sweethearts but we did go to highschool together)and I think we will order in that night. My parents are coming to watch Grace for a couple hours and I am excited, anxious....I don't really know how to feel....

Communication....

So I talked to my husband about how I have been feeling last night. Talking to him has made me truely realize that I have been pushing myself too hard and have maybe brought on a slight case of postpardum depression. It has only been 9 weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and I need to give myself a break. I don't think I should be eating as terribly as I have been but I also shouldn't feel bad if I can't quite get it together yet. I am tired and that is not helping the situation. Yes, my daughter sleeps through the night but I am still not quite there yet. I talked when we were out for a really nice walk last night and I felt sooo good afterwards. We discussed different ideas for me on ways to get out for a bit. I need to see friends more and get some human contact! I think I am going to keep going with the blog for now.....maybe someone will read it?

To continue or not to continue....

I find typing to myself kind of depressing.....I don't know if I want to continue with this blog. I don't know if it is doing me any good. I want to get involved in something that is positive. I was hoping I might have a follower eventually but nothing so far. I don't know how some blogs get so many followers! Oh well. I have been taking a mini break to just be. I am not really doing any better or worse with my eating. I was proud of myself last night when I made dinner and included a very yummy cesar salad. I know it's not the best type of salad but I eat it so that's all that counts at this point. I think I am going to work towards balancing out my diet. Trying to eat more fruits and veggies and balancing out my carbs. I love me some carbs! I have planned what is for dinner tonight and that is a step in the right direction!

Talking to myself....

I feel like I am always talking to myself...or typing. Last night Yvon gets home and says that he's had such a bad day that he is not going to walk with me. I was really disappointed because I am alone all day. Yes, I have Grace but she doesn't talk back, I have this blog but no one reads it....I find myself trying to make conversation when I am at the store with the cashier just to talk to someone. I try not to phone Yvon too much at work cause he has work to do. I was so deflated that he wouldn't come with me last night, I had been looking forward to it all day and then boom, he's not coming... It was a good thing I had lost 1 pound at WW or else it would have been an ugly night. I did stop on the way home and pick up the turkey, it was really good. Today I am taking Grace to Yvon's office because they are having a little shower for us. I am really looking forward to showing her off =) Sandra in the office is a master cake maker and I am excited to try one of her cakes...mmmmmm. I will make sure I have a good lunch and maybe even a snack before we leave the house so I am not too hungry when the cake comes out. Well I guess that's it for today.

Today is a new day

I don't know what it is but I am feeling even better today. I don't know if part of this a little bit of postpardum or if I am just struggling as usual. I hope to one day figure it out. Today Yvon, Grace and I are going to walk over to my WW weigh in and then home. I think we will stop at safeway on the way home and pick up a roasted turkey breast for dinner....yummy =) We have decided that on Sunday we will have everyone over for dinner for fathers day to make it easier on me with Grace. We will make a roast, yorkies and mashed potates with either a salad or something fresh. I think for dessert I will make a strawberry rhubarb crisp. Making me hungry just thinking about it. I will have to get some serious walking in this week to help prepare so I can have what I want. I don't really have much to say today.....talk to you tomorrow.

Yucky rain!

I hope the weather turns around today. I much prefer walking outside to having to go to the mall. I am feeling much better today. I let the day and the food get the best of me yesterday. I went for a nice long walk with my mom and Grace last night and it just made me feel so much better. I wasn't really down yesterday just out of control food wise. I don't know if the over eating from the weekend was what did me in or if it was something else...I wish I could get a handle on what triggers my "binge" eating so I could take come more control. Again, I don't want to be the one who eats salad all day I just don't want to be the one who eats crap all day either.

I am wanting to start running but I don't know where to start. I am going to google it and see if there are any programs I can follow. I will have to wait until Grace is a little older so I can put her in the running stroller. Tomorrow I am going to weigh in but not stay for the meeting. I find I am not even paying attention to what is happening, I have heard it all before and there doesn't seem to be anything new, it's all the same comments just from different people. I asked Yvon to walk with me so I can get some family time and a good walk. It will be nice to be out all 3 of us =)

Defeated.....

I don't know what to say. I have thrown away all my hard work for the week and just kept on eating. I find once I start I just can't stop.....I keep going back for more and more. It consumes me.....

Weekends

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends. I struggle to eat well, I think it is because there is no structure. I know being at home with baby I don't have alot of structure in my life anymore but it's still better than the weekend. I started off really well yesterday and even managed to make decent choices while eating at Costco and then I was at home by myself a fell apart a little. I didn't completely blow it but it just wasn't great. We then ordered pizza for dinner and there went the rest of my extra points. We also went to my brother and his fiance's last night for a bit of a birthday party for my brother and to watch the UFC fights and I proceeded to have a cupcake and 1/2 of a cream puff (they are big). It was all very good, but I didn't need it. I don't know if I will ever be able to be fully "in control" of my cravings and I'm not sure I ever want to be.....I understand that I need to make changes but I don't ever want to be that person that only eats salad...I enjoy food and I want to keep it that way, I just need to be able to scale it back a little. I am trying to have things around where I can indulge in a smart way instead of scarfing back a big bunch of chocolate. Someday's it works and some days it doesn't. I just hope I can make it work more days that not.

Well the little one is staring at me from her swing so I had better get going.

Two in a Row

Well, I did it again. I managed to sty on track for a second day! Now just to get through the weekend. I had to take Grace in for her 2 month shots and it was horrible. I have never felt so terrible in my life! My poor baby screaming and there was nothing I could do but hold her. No fever and alot of sleep and she seems to be fine today. My husband could not come with us yesterday so he treated me last night (he felt bad) and made dinner and did some running around for me. I really wanted to get for a walk but I am having some pain after the IUD, it feels like the little strings are poking me and it is really uncomfortable. I am hoping to get out today but I don't know how it will feel. I have started today off right with measuring my cereal and milk and journaling. I hopped on the scale this morning and got a nice surprise. It just proves that if you try you will succeed!

I had a small victory after dinner last night. I had my treat and was still feeling munchy so I had my husband wash me some grapes instead of something salty or chocolate! Very proud of myself for that =)

One down and lifetime to go...

Well I did it, I stayed on track and journaled all day. I made sure I was home for lunch time and tried to make smart choices. Not all were smart but that is okay. I went to the store yesterday and spent a fair amount of money on grapes...why are they so expensive! Good but expensive! Even when I was not feeling so great after my doctors appointment I came home washed some grapes and got out a piece of gouda (individually packaged from costco)and had a snack before deciding what I would make for dinner. I always find it hard when I am just cooking for myself to make healthy smart choices. I did not bad with M&M chicken strips and some steak cut fries and it was so worth it =) I did not manage to get any activity in yesterday...unless walking around the grocery store and the mall counts. I will do better today. I have to take Grace in for her first set of shots and I am not looking forward to it...I think it will hurt mommy more than it will hurt Grace. I think if the weather clears up we will take her out for a walk tonight to help calm her before bed. She loves to be outside and looking at everything we pass. It is amazing watching her grow and develop, it's something new everyday =) Well I am going to take the same steps today I took yesterday and hopefully I will have another successfull day and it will carry me strong into the weekend.

Wednesday.....

Today is the day...today I have again started trying. We went out for a crappy dinner last night and this morning I have measured and tracked. Sure I have only had my cereal but it is a step in the right direction. I just have to take it day by day. Today my DH is across the line for business so I am going to be on my own for a good chunk of the day. My MIL is going to watch DD so I can go to the doctor and get my IUD inserted. Not looking forward to this...feeling a little nervous. I know it will be fine but they have warned me it is going to hurt. My MIL wants me to stay for dinner after but I think I will just come home so I can relax and rest. I am going to have to make an effort to stay on track while DH isn't home, I have been known to indulge when no one is looking. We did walk to our crappy dinner last night and today isn't looking great for alot of exercise. I think I am going to get the Wii Fit out as the weather is just gross! It's supposed to rain until the weekend, I really hope it turns around!

I am finding it a little boring being home, I went from a very busy job to being home with a baby that sleeps alot still. I know it will get better and busier and I will miss these days but when the weather is grose I end up at the mall just wandering. I also end up eating something that I should not eat (purdy's, cookies...anything). I am going to have to start packing snacks for myself, I will eventually have to do it for Grace so why not start now for myself. I am also going to try and not be out around lunch time so I don't end up too hungry. I find if I get too hungry at one meal it carrier through my day and I will over eat all day long! It may have something to do with the fact that I am not making the best decisions when I feel that way.

Well I think DD is starting to wake up so I should get ready to feed her =)

#2

Well we are home from our errands and Grace is napping. I got my lunch in and now I am relaxing. I have to go to the store tonight and I think I am going to try and get my husband to walk up with me to get some fresh air and a good walk in. I am still not making great choices today, it's like I keep putting it off to have just one more treat, why? I'll start tomorrow is what I keep telling myself and when I get there I say it again. I am going to do my best to make it stick tomorrow. I went and tried on some dresses today for a wedding we have to go to on the 3rd of July and it made me feel terrible. I can see what I need to do, I just need to do it! I do not like the state of my body and I need to change it. I have my 10 year high school reunion on the 26th and would like to atleast have a good start by then.....

Good Morning!

Well my sweet baby slept through the night again but 5:45 seems to come too soon! I need to try and get one nap in during the day with her. Well my eating yesterday was a little better but still not on track. I am going to skip going to WW today and start tracking tomorrow so I am ready for next weeks meeting. It's hard going back to a meeting where I used to work...it's motivation but it is also embarrassing. Well the little munchkin is waking up for her nap, I will try and get back to this later.

I'm Back!

Well it has been a long time since I have posted last. When I got back from my weekend away I found out that a little earlier than planned I was pregnant! I have since given birth and have a beautiful and healthy baby girl! Her name is Grace and she is amazing! She sleeps through the night and is a great baby. I managed to pack on 35 lbs during a great pregnancy and now I am struggling to get it off. I lost 25 lbs really quickly and have now hit a wall. I am finding myself craving sugary crappy foods. I don't know if I am lacking something or if it is just the breast feeding and less sleep that seems to be getting to me. I have rejoined weight watchers but can't seem to keep myself on track. I do really good for 1 or 2 days and then I manage to ruin it all on the weekend. I am starting to get more exercise which makes me feel good but I am just not happy with what I see in the mirror. My husband tells me I am beautiful and I get alot of compliments about how I look I just can't seem to believe it.....It's almost like the more someone compliments me the less I believe and the more I eat? I don't know. I came back to have somewhere to bounce things off of, even if no one reads this it seems to help to just type it out =)

We are going to a wedding in Oliver for the August (BC Day) long weekend and I am going to lose 15 lbs by then. It is ambitious but I know I can do it if I just try. So here is goes.....