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Hi Guys! I decided that I needed a fresh start so please join me on my new blog at Baby Weight and Beyond!

Busy, busy, busy

Well it was a very busy day yesterday and Grace did not really want to nap too much. I have been having a pretty good week, not perfect but it's getting there. We are going to start packing for the weekend tonight and then I can do the laundry we need done tomorrow and hopefully we will get away as planned *fingers crossed*.

I am planning on taking everything I will need for breakfasts and probably lunches too so we won't have to eat out too much while we are there. There is not alot of choice in Oliver and what is there is not the greatest. Alot of little diners and then some fast food. I am going to the Italian deli on Thursday to get some meats, cheese and buns so we can make lunch on the road and then I'll get some extra for in the room. I am really looking forward to getting into the fruit stands and all the amazing fresh fruit from the okanagan =) mmmmmm!!!!!!

Weekends

Weekends are too short! I know I don't work right now but is so nice to have that extra time as a family. Yvon has been working so hard that he is bagged in the evening. I just love those 2 days of us time. I have realized that part of a balanced life is some time alone, just the 2 of us. Even if we just sit alone while Grace is napping, it's so nice.

So, I got on the scale this morning and I was 175.3, a loss of 1.1 pounds! I thought it was going to be better but I over ate a bit this weekend and it showed. Oh well, atleast I got most of the week right =) I am a little nervous about our trip to Oliver this weekend. Yvon and I think we have the driving schedule figured out and we should be able to keep Grace happy. As far as babies go she is great but it's a long time in the car for her. We are going to try and take nice long breaks for her and it'll be relaxing for us too. I am concerned about keeping Grace cool and hydrated. Since she is only 3 months old they don't recommend giving her any water. I have been freezing alot of my milk lately and hopefully I will have enough that I can get a bit of a break and keep her happy. Fingers crossed =)

So today I was very happy with my loss and like an idiot I celebrated with McDonalds? Really...what was I thinking? Well it's over now and it tasted great. I need to move on from this and not let it get in the way of eating well for the rest of the week. I can't believe July is almost over.....what is the plan for August?

Fat Burger...mmmmm

So yesterday I had Fat Burger and it was amazing! I think if I ate there often I would be huge and die of a heart attack. I felt pretty gross after eating my burger and was greatfull for the walk back to my brothers. It wasn't the longest walk but it helped =) I did not make the best choices throughout the day but I didn't make the worst either.

It was so nice being downtown yesterday. It was much warmer there then it was when I left the house so I was stripping off mine and Gracie's jackets. When we were out I had to use the mothers room in the mall to nurse and change her. It is amazing to me what some people view as okay. This room has glass walls so everyone can see you, I try and be discreet as I don't want to show everyone my boobs! Some small children were watching me through the window wondering what the room was, their mom explained and then let them come in and look at me. She would tell them not to bother me but it is a small room and it got pretty crowded with the 6 spectators...if you don't need the room then get out! I am also amazed at how rude people can be on an elevator, since Grace is only 3 months I have to always take an elevator as obviously she can't go on the escalators, I got the rudest snear and sound from an eldderly man and his wife who were on the elevator when I got on. There were only the 2 of them on there and they seemed pissed that I made them move over so I could get on....like I should have waited for the next one so they could have it to themselves. I try and be polite about getting around and what not with a stroller but really there aren't alot of things I can do to change the size or shape to better accommodate spaces, so I just feel like instead of being polite and nicely asking people to move so I can get past without hitting them I should just hit them and they might understand more!

Vent over....today will be a good day. We are going out with my mom and then off to dinner at the inlaws with some family friends who want to see Grace. Have a great Friday!

Good Friends and Good Food

Last night 3 of our friends stopped by to see how Grace is growing =) They brought dinner with them and it was amazing. I had suggested ordering pizza as it was easy and no work for any of us but one of the girls had just been at the gym and didn't want to go backwards! She suggested they stop at Safeway and pick up roasted chicken, salad and some garlic bread, it was perfect! We sat on the patio until 9:30 and it was great. Grace was so pooped after all her visitors she slept until 9!

Today we are going to go downtown for a bit and then off to my brothers to meet up with the family for dinner. Tonight will not be good as I think we are going to Fat Burger. Well it will be good but not for trying to eat right, I just have to make sure I make good choices during the day and then I will enjoy my burger =) We are going to walk there so that should help!

I am feeling like I have found a much better space in my head right now, somewhere that I am not obsessing about what I am doing and what I need to do. It's not all about the scale, it is about making good choices!

Good Days

The weather is just amazing, I am loving all of this sun. It's a bit warm for Grace but she is doing good and the air conditioner is really helping...all of us! My sweet little angle is still sleeping a minimum of 8 hours per night and she is only 3 months old! She is so amazing!

So I got on the scale this morning...I know I shouldn't, I should only weigh myself once a week but sometimes I just can't help it! And I was happy to see that paying attention is actually working...I was already down almost 1 pound =) If I stick with it I should be able to do this. I am not trying to restrict myself too much, just everything in moderation.

I got out for a really nice long walk this morning and I think I am going to try and do the reverse tomorrow (a little more hilly the other way). I have to make sure I do it early because it is getting really hot during the day again. Well that's all for now, have a good day =)

Good Morning?

I am tired today! My daughter slept 8 1/2 hours and I guess I slept about 8 and it just didn't feel like enough. I have to go and pick up some fresh groceries today, I think I will walk. It's a little overcast today so it should be nice. I ate pretty well for the rest of the day yesterday but I had a couple of cookies at my inlaws for dessert. they were sitting there calling my name, it is so much easier if they just aren't there. I have such a weakness for sweets, it's like I am drawn to them!

I have a date with one of my girlfriends to go for a walk today. It is so nice to have her around more right now (she is a teacher). It gives me some options on company and she is somewhat health minded and trying to stay in shape so she is always willing to go for a nice walk.

Well I have to make a shopping list and decide what I am going to make for dinner....We are having company tomorrow so I am trying to come up with some easy meals....any ideas?

Monday.....

I hate Monday's. Monday always seems to be the day to start a diet, I either don't get past the morning or I go almost too gungho. I seem to be able to kind of stick to what I am doing. I am starting to make better choices and move more. I have been avoiding blogging as I have not had anything that is very positive to report....I have been accountable to no one.

Does everyone struggle with Mondays?

This morning I weighed in at 176.4, not great but not bad considering what I have been eating. I guess breast feeding is the amazing thing. If I actually put the effort in I would be at goal by now =p

I had a sneak eat at lunch and there is no one here to sneak from...it's like I am having an affair with food. The one good thing is there are no more drumsticks in the house, the bad thing...I ate most of them. I wish I was like my husband and was happy with the occasional treat...and a small one at that. We were talking in the car yesterday after we both had a little treat from Purdy's, he said the chocolate bar was too much chocolate, he would have liked just a small piece, I on the other hand could have eaten 2 more. When I said that he said he related with beer, he loves a good beer but it just ends up making him want another. I am that way with food. I guess we all have our weaknesses, I just wish mine wasn't making me fat!

I really want to be a healthy role model for my daughter, teach her how to have an appropriate relationship with food. I love being active (sure we all have our lazy days) it's just that eating crap thing I need to get past.

This week I am going to try and make healthier choices and be honest with myself....stop having this affair with crap food and blog regularly. Talk to you tomorrow =)

Words

Words is all this is. I don't seem to be able to follow up anything with the proper actions. I sit and type and talk about what I need to do but I am not doing it. I have been thinking and eating this past week. I have been trying to decide what it is I need and can do. I know what I am supposed to say but it is not working because I am not doing it....It's like all I want to do is eat crap....I need to make this change before I get to far gone and it gets to be more than I can handle. I need to be honest with myself and figure out what is stopping me...I am afraid to fail and I am afraid to succeed...again. I have done this before, it was alot of work and slowly but surely I managed to put all the weight back on, and that was before I had a baby as an excuse. I am afraid I will succeed and not be happy and put all the weight back on. I don't know if it's just easier to be afraid or what it is....I think I need to sit down and talk about this and make myself a plan that I can stick with. The plan I came up with at the end of last week is a plan that I can easily live with, I just need to do it. I know this is how everyone feels but it feels like the loneliest place on earth....

I have a plan!

Thank you for the comments Missy and Syl - made my morning =)

Well I stole Syl's idea and enlisted my husband to help keep me on track. I sat down last night and realized I am not following the WW program the way I should be and I think I have just been there too many times lately. I am going to try something new and track my calories. I looked it up and since I am still breastfeeding full time I should be eating between 1800-2200 calories per day to lose weight. I set up that I am going to do a minimum of 45 minutes cardio 6 days per week and then I will do 2 of the workout routines that I found in Shape magazine. I will do the Kim Kardashian 3 days per week and then there is one that incorporates the Bosu and I will do that 2 days per week. I hope this works =)

I measured my breakfast and have already written it down and counted the calories. But before I ate I got on the scale and I weighed in at 176 lbs....not as bad as I thought it was going to be but I have been fighting the same pound for weeks! Here is to a fresh start this morning!

Today is really hot! I love that summer has finally shown up! I am going to pack Grace up and go for a nice long walk...with lots of water =)

Magic Pill?

I wish there was one! I really want a magic pill to make all this weight go away. I don't want to have to work at this, why am I not one of those naturally thin people? why does this have to be so hard? I just want to wake up and be thin and be able to make all the right choices. Love fruits and vegetables not candy, chocolate and chips!

I was hoping to start out better today but I didn't, I picked up right where I left off yesterday, eating crap. I am sick of WW but I know it is what I need to do. How do you get your head straight?

Feeling

I don't know how to feel. I had a very good week and really made an effort, then on the weekend I did okay...I kind of fell apart yesterday. It's like my head switched gears and all I wanted to do was eat crap....Today I need to find that "happy" place again. I need to get some more movement in and less food =)I hope I have not completely negated all my hard work from earlier in the week. I just have to make positive choices. We took Grace on her first long car ride and it went okay....Started off great and then she melted down, big time! We got her calmed down and back in the car and then she finally had a little sleep. She just did not want to be in the car. It had taught us that when we go to Oliver in a couple of weeks she will need to be out of her car seat for a minimum of 1 hour to just relax and kick. She did amazing at the wedding we had to go to on Satuday, one tiny little melt down when she was eating and then she was fine. It was such a relief for me! Well the sun is out and we will be going for a walk a little later.

Frustration!

Today is not about food, well not yet. Last night at my inlaws they started in on me again about looking after Grace when I go back to work. They would split it with my parents. They are not retired and neither are my parents.....They keep saying that they will make it work. I don't want them all looking after her because they all still love to travel and I don't want to get in the way of that. They say it won't bother them but I know it will! The minute I say that one or the other can't watch her so they can go away and Yvon and I have vacation booked at another time there will be a problem. I wish they would just listen to me and let it drop. I may just have to be more forceful next time....vent over

Well I had another really good day yesterday. I got 2 nice walks in and my weights. I have to just keep it up and keep it changing. I am going out to the valley today with Grace and my friend Ashli to get some fresh strawberries...mmmmm!I even said no to dessert last night, it was something I didn't want so I just said no =)

Sunny!

I love sun! It was dreary and rainy here yesterday and today it is beautiful! It makes me feel so alive, I just want to get out and do something! I am going to walk to my inlaws today with Grace. It's about a 50 minute walk and it'll be so nice to be outside. Yesterday I did the workout in Shape magazine and today I just did some free weights for my arms and back. It is amazing how some working out can make you feel better. I ate really well yesterday and have started off good again today. I measured and tracked everything I put in my mouth yesterday. I tried a new bread, it's call Body Wise by Dempsters. It's 100 calories for 2 slices and it's whole wheat. It makes a big difference in a sandwich when you are using something small. I also bought the light havarti cheese from costco and it's 2 points per slice and it tastes good! I do not eat whole wheat bread, I LOVE white bread so this is a big change for me. I have never done this in all my times trying to lose weight but now with Grace I want to teach her good habits from the start. I don't want her to have to go to WW....I will do my best. Well here is to a good day!

Monday Morning

I am not a big fan of Monday morning, it means Yvon has to go back to work....I love having him around on the weekends, it's so nice to get the family time together. So I seem to be doing alittle better these days...I am trying to make better choices. This morning I measured my cereal and milk and I have already planned my snack but I am not sure about lunch yet. Today I am going to try a new workout that I found in shape magazine. It is Kim Kardashian's workout and it looks pretty good. I picked up a medicine ball on friday and I am looking forward to trying this. I also signed up at shape.com and there are some really good ideas on there. I need things I can do kind of quickly and at home with little equipment. Grace isn't exactly ready to go to the gym and when Yvon gets home I don't really want to be going out, I like the time together. We have been pretty good about our walking. It kind of tailed off for the weekend. We went downtown on Saturday during the day and then Yvon and I went to our 10 year highschool reunion. It was great! We really enjoyed it. We weren't sure what to think but it was alot of fun. Then yesterday we watched alot of soccer and went to the mall quickly (what a mistake! it was crazy!) and then to my parents for my moms birthday dinner. Here's to a good week!

Halfway There

Well I am starting to get my act together. I have really amped up my exercise and it feels great. We have gone on 2 great walks the last 2 night and I have a good one planned for before dinner. We are going to my inlaws for dinner tonight and I am going to leave early with Grace and walk over. It takes just over an hour to get there and it is a great walk. Still not there with the food but I am getting more water and more fruits and veggies so it's coming. I just have to keep making these changes and it will all fall into place. I should start tracking but I keep putting it off until tomorrow. I have to make a plan and start measuring and tracking. It makes such a difference if you measure and track. I know my breakfast is not what it is when I am measuring properly....I can do this. I will start tomorrow. I am not going to worry about points or calories for this first week, just measure and track. Next week I will start the points and go from there. I have made dinner 3 night in a row! I had gotten really lazy with cooking at the end of my pregnancy because I was so tired and it carried through till now. my husband would cook but he was also pretty drained. I don't have to cook tonight but I do have dinner planned for tomorrow and then on Saturday is our 10 year grad reunion (not highschool sweethearts but we did go to highschool together)and I think we will order in that night. My parents are coming to watch Grace for a couple hours and I am excited, anxious....I don't really know how to feel....

Communication....

So I talked to my husband about how I have been feeling last night. Talking to him has made me truely realize that I have been pushing myself too hard and have maybe brought on a slight case of postpardum depression. It has only been 9 weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and I need to give myself a break. I don't think I should be eating as terribly as I have been but I also shouldn't feel bad if I can't quite get it together yet. I am tired and that is not helping the situation. Yes, my daughter sleeps through the night but I am still not quite there yet. I talked when we were out for a really nice walk last night and I felt sooo good afterwards. We discussed different ideas for me on ways to get out for a bit. I need to see friends more and get some human contact! I think I am going to keep going with the blog for now.....maybe someone will read it?

To continue or not to continue....

I find typing to myself kind of depressing.....I don't know if I want to continue with this blog. I don't know if it is doing me any good. I want to get involved in something that is positive. I was hoping I might have a follower eventually but nothing so far. I don't know how some blogs get so many followers! Oh well. I have been taking a mini break to just be. I am not really doing any better or worse with my eating. I was proud of myself last night when I made dinner and included a very yummy cesar salad. I know it's not the best type of salad but I eat it so that's all that counts at this point. I think I am going to work towards balancing out my diet. Trying to eat more fruits and veggies and balancing out my carbs. I love me some carbs! I have planned what is for dinner tonight and that is a step in the right direction!

Talking to myself....

I feel like I am always talking to myself...or typing. Last night Yvon gets home and says that he's had such a bad day that he is not going to walk with me. I was really disappointed because I am alone all day. Yes, I have Grace but she doesn't talk back, I have this blog but no one reads it....I find myself trying to make conversation when I am at the store with the cashier just to talk to someone. I try not to phone Yvon too much at work cause he has work to do. I was so deflated that he wouldn't come with me last night, I had been looking forward to it all day and then boom, he's not coming... It was a good thing I had lost 1 pound at WW or else it would have been an ugly night. I did stop on the way home and pick up the turkey, it was really good. Today I am taking Grace to Yvon's office because they are having a little shower for us. I am really looking forward to showing her off =) Sandra in the office is a master cake maker and I am excited to try one of her cakes...mmmmmm. I will make sure I have a good lunch and maybe even a snack before we leave the house so I am not too hungry when the cake comes out. Well I guess that's it for today.

Today is a new day

I don't know what it is but I am feeling even better today. I don't know if part of this a little bit of postpardum or if I am just struggling as usual. I hope to one day figure it out. Today Yvon, Grace and I are going to walk over to my WW weigh in and then home. I think we will stop at safeway on the way home and pick up a roasted turkey breast for dinner....yummy =) We have decided that on Sunday we will have everyone over for dinner for fathers day to make it easier on me with Grace. We will make a roast, yorkies and mashed potates with either a salad or something fresh. I think for dessert I will make a strawberry rhubarb crisp. Making me hungry just thinking about it. I will have to get some serious walking in this week to help prepare so I can have what I want. I don't really have much to say today.....talk to you tomorrow.

Yucky rain!

I hope the weather turns around today. I much prefer walking outside to having to go to the mall. I am feeling much better today. I let the day and the food get the best of me yesterday. I went for a nice long walk with my mom and Grace last night and it just made me feel so much better. I wasn't really down yesterday just out of control food wise. I don't know if the over eating from the weekend was what did me in or if it was something else...I wish I could get a handle on what triggers my "binge" eating so I could take come more control. Again, I don't want to be the one who eats salad all day I just don't want to be the one who eats crap all day either.

I am wanting to start running but I don't know where to start. I am going to google it and see if there are any programs I can follow. I will have to wait until Grace is a little older so I can put her in the running stroller. Tomorrow I am going to weigh in but not stay for the meeting. I find I am not even paying attention to what is happening, I have heard it all before and there doesn't seem to be anything new, it's all the same comments just from different people. I asked Yvon to walk with me so I can get some family time and a good walk. It will be nice to be out all 3 of us =)

Defeated.....

I don't know what to say. I have thrown away all my hard work for the week and just kept on eating. I find once I start I just can't stop.....I keep going back for more and more. It consumes me.....

Weekends

I have a love/hate relationship with weekends. I struggle to eat well, I think it is because there is no structure. I know being at home with baby I don't have alot of structure in my life anymore but it's still better than the weekend. I started off really well yesterday and even managed to make decent choices while eating at Costco and then I was at home by myself a fell apart a little. I didn't completely blow it but it just wasn't great. We then ordered pizza for dinner and there went the rest of my extra points. We also went to my brother and his fiance's last night for a bit of a birthday party for my brother and to watch the UFC fights and I proceeded to have a cupcake and 1/2 of a cream puff (they are big). It was all very good, but I didn't need it. I don't know if I will ever be able to be fully "in control" of my cravings and I'm not sure I ever want to be.....I understand that I need to make changes but I don't ever want to be that person that only eats salad...I enjoy food and I want to keep it that way, I just need to be able to scale it back a little. I am trying to have things around where I can indulge in a smart way instead of scarfing back a big bunch of chocolate. Someday's it works and some days it doesn't. I just hope I can make it work more days that not.

Well the little one is staring at me from her swing so I had better get going.

Two in a Row

Well, I did it again. I managed to sty on track for a second day! Now just to get through the weekend. I had to take Grace in for her 2 month shots and it was horrible. I have never felt so terrible in my life! My poor baby screaming and there was nothing I could do but hold her. No fever and alot of sleep and she seems to be fine today. My husband could not come with us yesterday so he treated me last night (he felt bad) and made dinner and did some running around for me. I really wanted to get for a walk but I am having some pain after the IUD, it feels like the little strings are poking me and it is really uncomfortable. I am hoping to get out today but I don't know how it will feel. I have started today off right with measuring my cereal and milk and journaling. I hopped on the scale this morning and got a nice surprise. It just proves that if you try you will succeed!

I had a small victory after dinner last night. I had my treat and was still feeling munchy so I had my husband wash me some grapes instead of something salty or chocolate! Very proud of myself for that =)

One down and lifetime to go...

Well I did it, I stayed on track and journaled all day. I made sure I was home for lunch time and tried to make smart choices. Not all were smart but that is okay. I went to the store yesterday and spent a fair amount of money on grapes...why are they so expensive! Good but expensive! Even when I was not feeling so great after my doctors appointment I came home washed some grapes and got out a piece of gouda (individually packaged from costco)and had a snack before deciding what I would make for dinner. I always find it hard when I am just cooking for myself to make healthy smart choices. I did not bad with M&M chicken strips and some steak cut fries and it was so worth it =) I did not manage to get any activity in yesterday...unless walking around the grocery store and the mall counts. I will do better today. I have to take Grace in for her first set of shots and I am not looking forward to it...I think it will hurt mommy more than it will hurt Grace. I think if the weather clears up we will take her out for a walk tonight to help calm her before bed. She loves to be outside and looking at everything we pass. It is amazing watching her grow and develop, it's something new everyday =) Well I am going to take the same steps today I took yesterday and hopefully I will have another successfull day and it will carry me strong into the weekend.

Wednesday.....

Today is the day...today I have again started trying. We went out for a crappy dinner last night and this morning I have measured and tracked. Sure I have only had my cereal but it is a step in the right direction. I just have to take it day by day. Today my DH is across the line for business so I am going to be on my own for a good chunk of the day. My MIL is going to watch DD so I can go to the doctor and get my IUD inserted. Not looking forward to this...feeling a little nervous. I know it will be fine but they have warned me it is going to hurt. My MIL wants me to stay for dinner after but I think I will just come home so I can relax and rest. I am going to have to make an effort to stay on track while DH isn't home, I have been known to indulge when no one is looking. We did walk to our crappy dinner last night and today isn't looking great for alot of exercise. I think I am going to get the Wii Fit out as the weather is just gross! It's supposed to rain until the weekend, I really hope it turns around!

I am finding it a little boring being home, I went from a very busy job to being home with a baby that sleeps alot still. I know it will get better and busier and I will miss these days but when the weather is grose I end up at the mall just wandering. I also end up eating something that I should not eat (purdy's, cookies...anything). I am going to have to start packing snacks for myself, I will eventually have to do it for Grace so why not start now for myself. I am also going to try and not be out around lunch time so I don't end up too hungry. I find if I get too hungry at one meal it carrier through my day and I will over eat all day long! It may have something to do with the fact that I am not making the best decisions when I feel that way.

Well I think DD is starting to wake up so I should get ready to feed her =)

#2

Well we are home from our errands and Grace is napping. I got my lunch in and now I am relaxing. I have to go to the store tonight and I think I am going to try and get my husband to walk up with me to get some fresh air and a good walk in. I am still not making great choices today, it's like I keep putting it off to have just one more treat, why? I'll start tomorrow is what I keep telling myself and when I get there I say it again. I am going to do my best to make it stick tomorrow. I went and tried on some dresses today for a wedding we have to go to on the 3rd of July and it made me feel terrible. I can see what I need to do, I just need to do it! I do not like the state of my body and I need to change it. I have my 10 year high school reunion on the 26th and would like to atleast have a good start by then.....

Good Morning!

Well my sweet baby slept through the night again but 5:45 seems to come too soon! I need to try and get one nap in during the day with her. Well my eating yesterday was a little better but still not on track. I am going to skip going to WW today and start tracking tomorrow so I am ready for next weeks meeting. It's hard going back to a meeting where I used to work...it's motivation but it is also embarrassing. Well the little munchkin is waking up for her nap, I will try and get back to this later.

I'm Back!

Well it has been a long time since I have posted last. When I got back from my weekend away I found out that a little earlier than planned I was pregnant! I have since given birth and have a beautiful and healthy baby girl! Her name is Grace and she is amazing! She sleeps through the night and is a great baby. I managed to pack on 35 lbs during a great pregnancy and now I am struggling to get it off. I lost 25 lbs really quickly and have now hit a wall. I am finding myself craving sugary crappy foods. I don't know if I am lacking something or if it is just the breast feeding and less sleep that seems to be getting to me. I have rejoined weight watchers but can't seem to keep myself on track. I do really good for 1 or 2 days and then I manage to ruin it all on the weekend. I am starting to get more exercise which makes me feel good but I am just not happy with what I see in the mirror. My husband tells me I am beautiful and I get alot of compliments about how I look I just can't seem to believe it.....It's almost like the more someone compliments me the less I believe and the more I eat? I don't know. I came back to have somewhere to bounce things off of, even if no one reads this it seems to help to just type it out =)

We are going to a wedding in Oliver for the August (BC Day) long weekend and I am going to lose 15 lbs by then. It is ambitious but I know I can do it if I just try. So here is goes.....